I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
