Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Life is so much better after having sex.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
