ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
