I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
