I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
