So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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