but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
