It's Friday. Sex?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Another day, another engagement, another cat
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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