im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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