I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
