you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
What changed your mind?
Being sober
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
