you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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