I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Randomize
