Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
