Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
