She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
