She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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