I just made out with a guy for $7.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I need to sanitize my soul.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Randomize
