I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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