he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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