If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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