i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
you never un-have a 4some
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
