walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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