wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
