She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
