she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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