She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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