he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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