So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
