How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
