I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
