She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
