Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
