He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
why is half of my head shaved?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
