we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
