I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
