I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You were trust falling into bushes
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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