I will die if light touches me.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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