If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
