I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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