I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Hello my rib-scented angel!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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