My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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