I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he thought i was a dude.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
