Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
