Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
