Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
