If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
