We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
