everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
