I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
