And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
