i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
