Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
